It’s time once again to hand out the annual Popcorn Tennis Awards. Now in our fifth year (I know, we can’t believe it either) we still don’t have trophies, an awards night or even a bad MC with dodgy jokes. Slack. So, without any further ado, let’s hand out some awards
The Andre Agassi award for the best return
“Isn’t she back in Poland already?” Sharapova stated bluntly when told that Agnieszka Radwanska had said she found the Russian’s grunting excessive.
Best impression of a rocket icy pole
Fernando Verdasco. No explanation required.
The Marat Safin Award for racquet origami
This can only go to one person – Marcos Baghdatis who sensationally destroyed four racquets in one sitting. Maybe he decided mid-match that he’d overpacked and wanted to ditch a little excess baggage?
We have to give a mention to girls’ singles finalist Yulia Putintseva who threw her racquet in the ring, literally, with a last-gasp attempt after losing the girls’ singles final. The 17-year-old managed to mangle her racquet between losing the last point and making her way back to her chair.
The curse toast
This award has to go to boys’ champion Luke Saville for dropping the s-bomb in his acceptance speech.
The Nikolay Davydenko award for the best work in the press room
David Bowie sang about making them, but Jarmila Gajdosova will not be introducing any changes to her game anytime soon based on the following:
“My game is not based on making balls. It’s plain and simple. I made 40 unforced errors, made 35 winners, made seven aces. I’m even either way … So doesn’t matter what I’m going to do either way. Everybody is going to concentrate on the unforced errors … I got to 24 in the world for a reason. I didn’t get there by making balls.”
The John McEnroe award for the best dummy spit
David Nalbandian for his efforts after being denied the opportunity to challenge a call. If you haven’t seen this one, YouTube it.
The ‘coodabeen’ award
Sadly this one has to go to 2011 finalist Li Na who was unable to convert any of the four consecutive match points she had in her fourth-round match with Kim Clijsters. The Belgian mounted an incredible comeback to overrun Li in the third set.
The M*A*S*H award for longevity
This one goes to Esther Vergeer. The wheelchair tennis superstar racked up her 444th consecutive win when she won her fifth Australian Open title. Legend status confirmed.
Best team player
Come on down Michelle Bryan, wife of Bob Bryan. En route to the final, Bob revealed that his heavily pregnant wife was doing her bit to make sure that he could be a part of the birth of their first child: “She's on bedrest now. She's not getting out of bed. We're down to the finish line. It's crunch time, yeah. She turned it [the TV] off in the third set because she was starting to feel a couple small contractions. I've been telling her, ‘Don't watch the matches; it will get your heart rate going and you might spit that baby out’.”